Almost 30 and a Single mother

So, I know its been a while since my last blog :( I'm sorry!! The last couple of weeks have been hectic with a new man (I got rid of him already), spending time with my extended step family, and missing my children!! Whats worse is, in the last week I've only worked out once . . . Which was today. . . Upside I got to use my new Polar HRM :D YAAAY (big thanks to my Mum, got it for my birthday. . . and yes I opened it early lol)

So heres the thing. . . I had plans for my life. . . I was supposed to be married by now. . . own a house with my handsome husband. . . raising our beautiful kids together. . . happy. For a long time now, I've thought that I needed these things, I've thought that if I didn't have a husband or someone to grow old with or AT LEAST a boyfriend. . . that I really couldn't be happy. Now I've dated alot, I've had alot of boyfriends since the split with my kids Dad. . . and now its really gotten to the point where I'm not heart broken anymore when it ends, I just pick myself up and put myself right back in the game to search for that Mr Wonderful.

Heres the second thing. . . I have the most amazing children in the whole world!! Yes. . I am bias. . . But its also the truth!! Without them I am truly lost. I dont really like to do anything without them, they're my comfort blanket, even when they're at a sleepover I'm counting the minutes till they're home. I'm bored without them!! They are so much fun and make me laugh and have brilliant manners and help me with the housework. I dont like being without them :( They have been on holidays with their Dad for the past almost 6weeks. . . Home in 2 sleeps!! Very excited.


So. . . I've come to the conclusion, that I look to others to make me happy. I'm too afraid to try and make my own self happy. . . cause what if its just me. . . and I'm not good enough? What if I cant do it. . . thats why I've never tried or finished anything. I'm good with people and kids. . . no worries there. . . But I get depressed when I'm by myself. . . I dont like spending time alone. . . its just an excuse to drink then, so I dont have to feel horrible (I always do the next day tho lol)

My children deserve their Mum! I deserve to be happy and healthy! And I deserve to do it for me on my own. . . Of course I am accepting encouragement from others haha and I have a wonderful workout partner. But its time to face that chicky in the mirror. . . and say "Its ok, you'll be amazing, you'll look amazing, feel amazing and more than that you'll know you did it for you, and YOU did it"